The Tail of Ichabutt, part 2

When we left off yesterday, a teenaged Ichabutt had just got busted for pilfering a pickled egg from the Sleepy Stop, a convenience store in Sleepy Hollow.   A few days later, he had to appear in court for his offense. Unfortunately for him, the judge assigned to his case was a grumpy fellow who hated teenagers. He gave Ichabutt a severe punishment, sentencing the young man to use a wooden saddle on his horse for the rest of his life.

Soon after that, Ichabutt dropped out of Hollow High School, unable to bear any longer the teasing and the bullying that plagued him constantly. Just as bad, he found no refuge at home, for Ichabutt’s parents were icky butts, to put it nicely.

After leaving school, Ichabutt spent more and more time riding his horse, a painful endeavor now that he had to use a hard wooden saddle under his uncushioned tailbone. His behavior became more and more reckless as well. In fact, Ichabutt would surely have ended up in jail or in an early grave were it not for someone else who did end up in a grave at just the right time.

to be continued tomorrow…

The Tail of the Buttless Horseman

Sleepy Hollow is a quaint little town made famous by one of its residents, a noggin-challenged horse rider. How this man ever got his riding license when he obviously can’t see where he’s going is not for me to speculate upon. My job here is to tell about another of Sleepy Hollow’s citizens.

Another horseman, in fact. That doesn’t narrow it down much, though, as most of the population of Sleepy Hollow is made up of horsemen, horsewomen, and horsechildren. You would recognize this particular man, though, if you saw him. That is, if you saw him from behind, for he had no bottom.

He lost it in a freak playground accident at a very young age. To make matters worse, his parents had named him Ichabutt. Of course, that is not the best name to have under any circumstances, but especially if you are doomed to a bottomless existence.

Growing up in Sleepy Hollow, little Ichabutt had a rough go of it. The other kids at school teased him relentlessly about his missing bottom. As a result, he withdrew from everyone and spent all his free time riding his horse (equipped with an extra-cushioned saddle) along the many trails in the woods surrounding town.

By the time he reached his teenage years, Ichabutt had become an angry young man with a disdain for rules of all types. One of his favorite rebellious acts was shoplifting snacks from convenience stores to take along on his horse rides. Eventually, though, his luck ran out, and he got caught stealing a pickled egg from the Sleepy Stop.

to be continued tomorrow…

Presenting “The Radish”

One of my favorite websites is “The Onion.”  Whenever I’m down and need a laugh, I know I can always head over to their site for a bit of instant encouragement.  Their brand of dry, witty humor is my very favorite type.

Unfortunately, The Onion is not hiring writers, so I’ve decided to set up my own little shop of satire right here on blargsblog.  I am calling it “The Radish.”  The posts will all show up on my main page, but I will label all of them with the category “The Radish.”

Without further ado, here is the first radishy post:

the radishLocal Family of Corn Cob Holders Busy Preparing
for Long Vacation in Back of Utensil Drawer

Why Has This Blog Come to Be?

Having explained the name of my blog in my first post, I will now explain its purpose. I am doing this for you and me both. For you, I want to explain what type of content you can expect when you read this blog. For me, I am writing it down for my own good, so that I will have a written statement to follow. I think that will help keep me on track.

So, what is this blog all about? I wrote a nutshell version of its focus at the top of this page: “stories, writing, and life.” That sums things up quickly, but it’s short on details, so I will elaborate a tad.

My favorite kind of writing is making up stories, so I will be posting lots of short stories. Sometimes I’ll post a story in its entirety, and other times I will write a serial story over the course of multiple posts. As far as genres, I will try all types, because I think it’s a good way to develop writing skill, plus it’s just fun!

I will also write about the art of writing, and what I know of it from my own experience. Some example topics might be motivation, inspiration, character development, or use of humor.

The third category of “life” is kind of my catch-all category. I don’t want to box myself in too much, so I figure that the “life” category gives me an excuse to write about random things from time to time.

I have now covered the purpose as it relates to what sort of stuff I will write. But that still leaves the question, to put it dramatically, “Why has ‘blargsblog’ come to be birthed from the womb of WordPress?”

Simply put, I am trying to build an online writing platform of sorts. My goal is to be able to write for a living. I have a children’s book that is all ready to go, but getting noticed by publishers these days is quite difficult, as I’ve found out firsthand. This blog is a key component of the writing platform I am constructing. Through “blargsblog,” I hope to gain some exposure for my writing, as well as find other writers who are in the same boat as me.

Now that I have laid a bit of a foundation for this blog, it’s time to get to the fun part! Stay tuned for my first real blog post, coming your way shortly (just as soon as I figure out what it will be).

Oh, and I haven’t forgotten the part about analyzing cat videos 🙂

All the best,
Brent

Welcome!

Hi, and welcome to my brand new blog! My name is Brent Searle, and I live in the state of Virginia. Not to be confused with The Virginia Ocean, which it will be called if the rain doesn’t stop soon!

Most likely you are wondering about the title “Blargsblog.” I will dedicate this first post to explaining why I chose that name. It all started on a cold, snowy day in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. The year was 2006, and I was working for the resort, teaching little rug rats how to ski. I had a day off, so I went snowboarding with my friend Erika.

We were riding the Pony Express chairlift together, and as our chair passed over a ski run, we saw a guy below flying down the mountain. As he skied, he saw a stand of fir trees and must have thought it would be fun to ski through them, because the next thing Erika and I knew, he turned sharply and headed straight for them. The man disappeared from our sight as he entered the thick trees, but we heard him yelling as he lost control and then fell down.

Now, I thought the guy had simply yelled “Aaaaahhh!” Just a plain old, generic yell. Fortunately, Erika’s keen ears were on the job, because she translated the yell as “Blaaarrg!”

And so the term “blarg” was born. The rest of that day, Erika and I must have said “blarg” to each other about a thousand times. Mostly, it was at the beginning of a sentence and spoken like a pirate. For example, “Blarg, matey, where should we ski next?”

Erika and I soon taught the term “blarg” to our friend Amy. She caught on quick, and we were off and running. As the winter wore on, the three of us started using “blarg” more and more. It evolved into an all-purpose word. We even called each other “Blarg.” As you might imagine, communication got a little confusing at times. We would be sitting around the table eating a meal together, for instance, and one of us would say, “Hey Blarg, could you please pass the blarg?”

If you think about it, it’s the same predicament the smurfs used to be in. If you’re around my age (I’m 40), you probably remember lots of Saturday mornings watching the smurfs on TV. Not only were those little guys called smurfs, but they also used the word “smurf” as a substitute for all sorts of other words.

My friends and I knew we couldn’t be outsmurfed by a race of tiny blue creatures. If they could use “smurf” as an all-purpose word, we could do the same with “blarg.” After all, humans should be a lot smarter than smurfs, right? Consider the following comparison: Let’s say you’re a zombie who loves Halloween. In fact, you love Halloween so much that every year about this time you put brain-o-lanterns on your front porch. After you’ve scooped out the gunk from a brain, look at the space in there. You could fit three or four whole smurfs inside a hollowed-out human brain. That’s how much smarter we are.

Now that I’ve explained the name of my blog, my next post will be about its purpose. Don’t worry, all my posts will not have zombies and brains, but it’s October and I couldn’t resist.

Thank you very much for blarging my first blarg.

All the best,
Brent