The Coffin Model

There once were two sisters named Fiona and Fedora Frisky. They were identical twins, and they lived in a small rural town in the Midwest. Their father and mother owned Frisky Funeral Home, which occupied a modest storefront location on Main Street. Even though Frisky Funeral Home had no competition in town, the population of the town was so small that barely enough people died to keep Mr. and Mrs. Frisky in business.

Due to their meager income, the Frisky family had to live a very simple, no-frills existence. Their lives were far from exciting and glamorous, but they always had all the essentials: bread on the table, a roof over their heads, warm clothes on their backs. Although they wished they could do more for their daughters, Mr. and Mrs. Frisky were thankful that they could at least provide these basic necessities.

When Fiona and Fedora finished high school, they had very few options to choose from. Since their parents had been unable to save any money for them to go to college, they stayed in town and got into the family business.

As mentioned, Fiona and Fedora were identical twins. They both had long, curly red hair and bright blue eyes. The only way folks could tell them apart was that Fiona had a little speck of a birthmark on her upper lip. However, if you looked beyond the physical appearance of the twins and examined their character, you immediately found great differences. While Fiona was a sweet and caring individual, Fedora was selfish and mean-spirited.

When the sisters began working alongside their parents at Frisky Funeral Home, business was awful. Nobody in town seemed to be dying. At Fiona’s suggestion, the family business branched out from doing just funerals to selling coffins also. In this way, they were able to increase their business’s income significantly. Funeral homes throughout the region came to them to buy coffins. The Friskys also made occasional coffin sales to random, creepy people.

To display the various models of coffins they had for sale, the Frisky family converted part of their storefront into a coffin showroom. Through this addition, Fedora, who barely did anything all day when she was at work, finally found her calling. She knew a nice easy job when she saw one, so she volunteered right away to model the coffins by lying in them.

In this way, Fedora got to have about the easiest workday you could imagine. Every morning she came into work, picked a coffin to lie in, and then crawled into it. She spent the next eight hours lying on her back with her arms crossed over her chest, posing as a corpse.

With Fedora modeling the coffins, sales went through the roof. It was a hugely successful, brilliant undertaking. In fact, no undertaker could resist buying a coffin when it was so beautifully occupied by Fedora Frisky.

For the first time since its doors first opened, Frisky Funeral Home started making steady, sizeable profits. The quality of life of the members of the Frisky family improved dramatically. They got to eat out at restaurants. They got to go on a vacation. They even got to buy a new hearse to replace the 1980s wood-paneled station wagon that they had been using for years to haul around their dead clients.

In short, Mr. and Mrs. Frisky, along with Fiona and Fedora, finally had a good life. If only it had lasted. For, after only a brief period of this newfound good life, tragedy befell one of the sisters.

I am sure now that you are saying, “Please, let it be Fedora who met tragedy.” I wish very much that I could say that, but that is just not how it happened. For it was Fiona, the fair and the sweet, who fell from her ladder when replacing a light bulb in the coffin showroom.

to be finished on Halloween…

Thank you for reading!
Brent

Advertisements