Tailgating the Popemobile

This past weekend I spent some time working on my trusty VW van.  It has an issue with the turn signal.  The right one works fine, but the left signal is pretty spastic.  It either blinks as fast as a strobe light, or not at all.

One solution, of course, would be to stop making left turns.  It would be quite tricky, though, to get where one wants to go by only making right turns.  Even if you do arrive at your destination through a series of right turns, you would be forced to stay there forever, as your journey home would be all left turns.  Better to fix the turn signal.

Doing this repair made me wonder, What if we had turn signals ahead of us on the road of our lives?  What if there was a vehicle we could follow that knew the way our lives should go and would lead us accordingly?

The best vehicle for this job would have to be the Popemobile.  First of all, it’s a sweet ride.  More importantly, however, it’s driven by the Pope, or at least he tells the driver where to go, probably with a cool walkie talkie: “Pope to driver, turn in here at the McDonald’s drive-thru.  I feel like a Big Mac and a Dr. Poper.”

I mean, if our lives were a car on a road, why not follow behind the wisest, most in-touch-with-God guy on the planet?  All you’d need to do is get a walkie talkie with enough batteries to last a lifetime, then learn Latin, and you’d be set to go.

As you traveled your life road, the Pope would give you his wisest advice on all your life decisions.  He would say things like, “We’re turning left ahead so that you can take this particular job,” or “Bear to the right here so you can go to this school and earn your degree,” or “Marry that woman standing by the side of the road.”

What do you think?  If you had the option to be guided to all the right decisions in your life, would you do it?  Or would you put your foot on the accelerator, pass the Popemobile, and say on your walkie talkie, “Thanks, Pope Francis, but I’ll make my own life decisions.  I’ll never know for sure the right way to turn.  I’ll certainly make mistakes.  But right or wrong they’ll be my own free decisions.”

Thank you very much for reading.  I wish you a wonderful trip down the road of life.

Brent

 

Report: Still Time for Old Year’s Resolutions

If you’re like me, and you haven’t got around yet to making resolutions for 2015, take heart!  There is still time!

With that being said, however, time is beginning to run a bit short for Old Year’s resolutions.  If you are determined to eat better or exercise more or drink less, you should probably start making good on those resolutions soon before 2015 goes the way of the dodo bird.

There are still several good hours to make those big life improvements for the old year.  We have the rest of tonight (Tuesday) and then all of Wednesday to fulfill our resolutions for 2015.

Thursday is New Year’s Eve, though, so don’t worry about your resolutions then.  It’s a day to celebrate and let yourself live a little.  Give yourself permission to enjoy it.  You will have earned it by living well for a solid 36 hours out of the 8,760 hours in the year.

Best of luck as you change your life for the better in 2015!  Make it a great year!

All the best,
Brent

Presenting “The Radish”

One of my favorite websites is “The Onion.”  Whenever I’m down and need a laugh, I know I can always head over to their site for a bit of instant encouragement.  Their brand of dry, witty humor is my very favorite type.

Unfortunately, The Onion is not hiring writers, so I’ve decided to set up my own little shop of satire right here on blargsblog.  I am calling it “The Radish.”  The posts will all show up on my main page, but I will label all of them with the category “The Radish.”

Without further ado, here is the first radishy post:

the radishLocal Family of Corn Cob Holders Busy Preparing
for Long Vacation in Back of Utensil Drawer

Welcome!

Hi, and welcome to my brand new blog! My name is Brent Searle, and I live in the state of Virginia. Not to be confused with The Virginia Ocean, which it will be called if the rain doesn’t stop soon!

Most likely you are wondering about the title “Blargsblog.” I will dedicate this first post to explaining why I chose that name. It all started on a cold, snowy day in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. The year was 2006, and I was working for the resort, teaching little rug rats how to ski. I had a day off, so I went snowboarding with my friend Erika.

We were riding the Pony Express chairlift together, and as our chair passed over a ski run, we saw a guy below flying down the mountain. As he skied, he saw a stand of fir trees and must have thought it would be fun to ski through them, because the next thing Erika and I knew, he turned sharply and headed straight for them. The man disappeared from our sight as he entered the thick trees, but we heard him yelling as he lost control and then fell down.

Now, I thought the guy had simply yelled “Aaaaahhh!” Just a plain old, generic yell. Fortunately, Erika’s keen ears were on the job, because she translated the yell as “Blaaarrg!”

And so the term “blarg” was born. The rest of that day, Erika and I must have said “blarg” to each other about a thousand times. Mostly, it was at the beginning of a sentence and spoken like a pirate. For example, “Blarg, matey, where should we ski next?”

Erika and I soon taught the term “blarg” to our friend Amy. She caught on quick, and we were off and running. As the winter wore on, the three of us started using “blarg” more and more. It evolved into an all-purpose word. We even called each other “Blarg.” As you might imagine, communication got a little confusing at times. We would be sitting around the table eating a meal together, for instance, and one of us would say, “Hey Blarg, could you please pass the blarg?”

If you think about it, it’s the same predicament the smurfs used to be in. If you’re around my age (I’m 40), you probably remember lots of Saturday mornings watching the smurfs on TV. Not only were those little guys called smurfs, but they also used the word “smurf” as a substitute for all sorts of other words.

My friends and I knew we couldn’t be outsmurfed by a race of tiny blue creatures. If they could use “smurf” as an all-purpose word, we could do the same with “blarg.” After all, humans should be a lot smarter than smurfs, right? Consider the following comparison: Let’s say you’re a zombie who loves Halloween. In fact, you love Halloween so much that every year about this time you put brain-o-lanterns on your front porch. After you’ve scooped out the gunk from a brain, look at the space in there. You could fit three or four whole smurfs inside a hollowed-out human brain. That’s how much smarter we are.

Now that I’ve explained the name of my blog, my next post will be about its purpose. Don’t worry, all my posts will not have zombies and brains, but it’s October and I couldn’t resist.

Thank you very much for blarging my first blarg.

All the best,
Brent